"My rules are simple. I don't do feelings. I don't share. And Never keep me waiting." Fuck! What the hell have I got myself into? I woke up to a splitting headache on the 21st in the most uncomfortable bed I have ever slept in and had no recollection of the night before. All I could recall was being bent over Tega's desk.
We stared at each other for a while. He smiled, but I turned my face away. Why did he bother to come for my birthday party? He had on a black turtle neck, a blue jean, and a black sneaker.
"Let's make love" she said.
"What?" I had retorted with incredulity. The type that shows in the face and you can't hide it.
"I don't like how you have been fucking me. And before you ask, I feel like an ashawo. The ignorant type at that, the one who doesn't even have the decadence to collect money immediately after the act like how the girls at West of Mines do. You pound me, and I feel it's done only for you to cum, and you don't even end up cumming. Must be some masochist thing, because I don't understand all this suffering we are doing and calling it sex. You leave me sore every time, and call me when you are bored. I can't do that anymore."
Man's ignorance is legendary, but you see when you pair ignorance and sex, men tend to rise above that base instinct and reach a level hitherto unknown even to them. It's a rare thing when a man takes criticism without pants about his performance in the affairs of him and his willy, it's even more rare when the criticism smacks of erudite elegance.
I tried to think of words, acts, reactions, but I laid their partly limp, with little bouts of blood rushing to my willy, reminding me that she didn't call me a "1 minute man" but I felt worse. It was like I was a pig with a diamond ring but with no appreciation for the value of what I had. The only way to ease my mind, to stop it from tearing itself to bits analyzing her words in context and making new things with the scrap was to ask. There is no harm in learning a little, we should not have to relearn every skill in each generation. So I asked. "How do you want us to make love?"
With her winsome bright eyes and innocence to the quagmire she had wrought to my brain, she described scene after scene with particular attention to certain spots she liked been touched at. Snuggling deeper into the curvature of my body, she nestled and continued drawing my active mind to more scenes than I had read from the kamasutra. Where do they learn all these things!! My earlier befuddlement had cleared at the sound of her voice describing things.
If anyone had seen us at that point in time, I'd have said we were practicing subintroductae. Except, she wasn't a virgin and I wasn't an old priest who had sworn chastity upon himself.
"Is that what it means to make love?" I asked, it hit me right there that I was getting dumber despite all the info I'd been given. I couldn't take back that stupid, so I just laid and watched as she slowly rolled and looked into my eyes.
"I want to see the brown in your eyes when we make love. I want you to go gentle and think of me when going down, I want to swallow you and swallow all that comes from you, I desire that you taste me and savor the taste of my inner being. It will please me if you remember the shape of my body, and the color of my skin. I have imprinted your birthmark in the inner reaches of my mind and I see them in the shape of the clouds. If you find my birthmark, I will show you more on how to love me".
If this was an initiation, I done go oh guys. This must be how men end up buying mansions in Maitama for their small chops while madam is in Tudun Wada, tending the family.
My mind didn't race, it imagined briskly, then decided to try it. Ugliness was the chance to make beautiful. She had somehow bypassed all my learning and impacted in me fresh insight distilled in one sentence and taught in the most beautiful way ever.
Gone were all my past definitions of sex, like long lasting, big and deep throated screams that I passed off to be moans of ecstasy. I wanted to try what I had just learnt.
"Calm down", she said. As she made me drink from my cup, while my restless fingers glided over the flat of her tummy, counting the translucent beads that warped around her waist.
Practicing new knowledge can be tricky. Is it too early to add your own variations? Are you doing it right? Will you see immediate results? I ate all the knowledge she had shared with me and I altered some to fit my randy dreams.
The kiss before was manageable, with my new twist, I found her longing for more as my tongue found hers and licked it. New found knowledge is dangerous!
She had a preference for her boobs so I sucked on it like a toddler finding breath for the first time. I nibbled on her nipples and she gasped, then I nibbled again on the mounds of boobs and she held my head in between them. My tongue traced the fine stretch mark that had coursed a path down, "interesting", as I began to scan for the birthmark.
She had found willy, and while I kissed her boobs, she was touching them in a way that it had never been touched. I know how willy feels like, the veins that protrude to give it life, I know how it bulges with excitement when it's in the hands of another, and how it swells when it's in someone's lips. I don't know what willy is doing now. It's like halfway between a bulge and a swell. Throbbing with vigor and anticipation.
I had to repay this favour. As I tasted her down below, she tasted like cream with a touch of something exotic. I licked the upper lips and kissed the lower lips. Then flicked my tongue side ways, feeling the hypnic jerk kicking and begging for more. Oh was I just getting started. I did that, then I did what she said and watched her hold my head in place with her knees and her hands. A couple of more minutes and she dragged me up to her. I had on my face of satisfaction.
She rubbed willy against her outer defences, i saw the satisfied look in her bright brown eyes looking into my eyes. There was something sinister in that look. Teasing me. Playing with me. Forcing me to learn patience. Teaching me virtues I have never needed to learn. Woh! Just kill me already.
Five minutes later and what felt like 10 pumps staring into her eyes, we sighed in harmony. Me collapsing on her and sleeping almost immediately, she stroking me endlessly with a look that is now in my head.
That was my first love making experience. Five years later I've not replicated the deed. What type of person would I be if I never practiced what i was taught? There's beauty in the world even though we refuse to see it. I knew her in her own terms, the way she demanded to be known, from the inside first.
Dr. Akintomi Mayowa Ojetunde, an aspiring representative of the people of Egbeda-ona ara Federal Constituency in the Federal house of representatives has congratulated the newly installed Olubadan of Ibadan. The Olubadan of Ibadan will today be crowned as the 42nd traditional ruler of Ibadan land.
In a statement personally signed by Dr. Akintomi and made available to the press, he said history is been made today in the Country.
Read full statement here;
Today, as expected, history is being made in the ancient city of Ibadan, Oyo State.
First of all, let personally use this medium to congratulate our Leader, the performing Governor and man of the people, Engr. Oluseyi Makinde for a successful coronation ceremony.
On behalf of myself and my family, I congratulate all the sons and daughters of Ibadan, the good people of Egbeda-ona ara Federal Constituency, Oyo State, and by extension citizens of the federal republic of Nigeria on the coronation of High Chief Lekan Balogun as the 42nd Olubadan of Ibadanland.
It is my sincerest prayers that your rein on your forefathers' throne will bring peace, development, prosperity, and unity to Ibadan, Oyo State, and Nigeria at large. Amen.
I have no doubt that your vast wealth of knowledge, expertise, and connect in human resource shall be brought to bear for the greatness of Ibadan land.
O ye a mo ri o, Kabiesi
Dr. Akintomi Mayowa Ojetunde
Egbeda-ona ara federal Constituency