WHO WE ARE NOT

I looked at the two people across the street with disdain. The priest wearing a jean and a metallica T-shirt while the young girl wore a tank top on a miniskirt. I eyed them suspiciously. A proper pious, devout priest wouldn't wear such a thing not alone found in the dead of the night with a maiden. But father Francis wasn't your normal kind of priest. He was everything you wouldn't want a priest to be. Even though he had an even temperament and the kind of warm voice that was easy to get lost in, he was a master of deceit. He'd betrayed those who trusted him, failed those who depended on him, lied and deceived them. From the pulpit he radiated all that was good and holy about the love of God but each time I looked at him, I saw the devil himself with eyes the gray-green of a mist shrouded glen.

He reached behind her nape, catching the thick rope of her braid with his hand, winding the shinning plait around his palm. I scrunched my face in disgust as the sight irritated me, unnerved me. Shadows fells across my face as I watched her get into his car. I gritted my teeth and walked away.

* *

I sat on the oak chair in the confession room, a small box like a public toilet. I had come for a reason, a journey that would never be finished not until the priest knew who I was.

"Are you there?" The priest began in a low voice as I shut my eyes, shut out the images and the answering ache in my belly.

"I'm here, father" I shifted my gaze to the statue of virgin Mary, her hands downward, palms open and facing forward. I was once a virgin too.

"You may begin" Irritation tinged his voice

A resolute smile tipped the corner of my lip as I spoke "Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been weeks since my last confession and these are my sins. I am a pedophile, father. Last week I raped an eight year old, forced myself on her until she was no longer breathing".

I paused waiting for the priest to speak and when he didn't, I continued "You know, I derive happiness from what I do. Are you listening, father?" I whispered

"Ye...yes" He stammered, speaking after a silent moment "Why do you do it?" I heard his voice falter.

Pain and hate raked me, images of my childhood swimming before me, spooling my mind back through the years of abuse in an attempt to recall how it started. Back to the place that haunted my dreams, killed my ambition and chilled family relationship.

* * *

"Daddy, Uncle touch my pee...." Before I could complete the sentence, my head snapped to the right. The loud sound of my father's palm of hand meeting my cheek filled the room as I fell silent.

"You are the devil's child" My father spat out "Let this be the last time I will hear of such". His face contorted with rage. He worshipped uncle Francis like a god. He was the perfect friend. He never had the "I'm a sex predator" tag hanging on his neck.

* * *

I let out a loud, exaggerated sigh as the priest cleared his throat, snapping me back to the moment.

"Bless me father, for I will sin" My heart faded in my chest, like the moon when it is out during the day. It is there but barely visible "I have another victim".

"What!" His voice cracked and a moment of silence passed "Another child?"

I laughed as I savored what he must think of me "Yes, another child. I told you, I can not control the cravings"

"You can still repent from your ways, son"

"No, father" I snapped "I have done far too much damage, I can't be saved"

"Son, you...."

"No!" I slipped my hands into my pocket and brought the picture "Won't you ask me who my next victim is? A smirk played on my lips.

"Who?" He asked, confused.

"He is 6 year old, bright and lovely.....but I plan to take that away" I paused and leaned back on the chair "His name is Maxwell".

"Maxwell" He ecohed and I heard the panic in his voice. I knew I had shaken him.

"Yes, Maxwell" I laughed, piercing the dead air "Your little nephew".

"Alex, is that you?" His voice pitched as realization struck him.

"Yes, Uncle Francis. You got that right, father" I stressed the last word "I'm going to do to him what you did to me"